I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
