I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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