put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize