4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we're making bets on your personal life
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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