You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
