I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
