I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
