She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
