I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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