he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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