I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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