Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
