Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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