It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
