So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
