You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
