double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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