woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
