i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She told me I should be a condom model.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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