dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
