I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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