I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
