Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
