Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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