is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
