If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
there is puke in my bra ... again
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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