I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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