just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
