i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Boobs are out for the taking
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
