I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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