Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize