ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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