she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
