i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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