i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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