the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
