I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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