she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
