I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They are going to name an STD after you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
