i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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