So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
