yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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