Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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