"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
