My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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