What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't tell me you're on acid again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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