I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
