I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
