I'm gonna have a badass scar
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
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so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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