Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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