Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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