ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just gargled with NyQuil
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
