my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
