you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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