ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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