Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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