And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize