Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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