Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
