You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
