Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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