Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
