You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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