plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
