Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
