You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
