I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
