I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
