Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
