i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
