His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I still have a little drunk in my system
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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