Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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