I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
