so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
