I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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