Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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