i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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