pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
