you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
