I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
