The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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